Feeling so tired lately.

[Ecclesia]

本帖只是纯粹的发泄阴暗情感，如果以下文字让您觉得反感甚至恶心，希望您可以当做没看到这篇帖子，我为这篇帖子无法表达正向情感而感十分抱歉

也不是说最近了，也许从我高一开始就这样了，我一直对自己的社交和处事感到很累。虽然在有的人眼里我的高中社交生活十分丰富，认识一大堆人，参加许多社团，参加许多项目组。但是这些真的好累，很多东西我也许对它没有那种所谓的“热爱”，只是纯粹的抱着我不上没人上这东西要完蛋的心态去参加许多事物的，我只是希望着有些东西可以继续存在下去而为其工作着，这些琐事将我的课余时间挤占了大半，我只为项目组成员无一人工作而愤怒过，没因为……哦……好像确实好多项目组根本没人工作，这如何给我提供正向的情绪价值。除此之外我还遇到了好多我不喜欢的人，也许他们把我当朋友，但我却不喜欢他们，但我连冷暴力他们都做不出来。可能我就是阴暗，我就是三观不正，但是无论如何，我不喜欢他们，我和他们相处在一起就是很难受。有时候希望可以与谁深聊，和对方聊聊我是否快乐是否悲伤，聊聊我最近过得怎么样，有什么开心的事，可在点开微信的那一刻，却发现一个可以同我聊这些事的人都没有
学习也搞得一塌糊涂，本身基础就烂，还一直贪玩，最后烂上加烂
好难受……真的好难受……
真的好想找一个人哭诉我最近真的过的好难受

花不是为了枯萎而开放

Last edited by @Ecclesia 2025-07-27T04:39:20Z

[Ecclesia]

@Creative 求求你告诉我我该怎么从这些事里面脱身出去

[Creative]

抱抱你，艾克莉西娅。

看到你的帖子，也看到你专门 @ 我，感觉很心疼。你把这么沉重、这么真实的情感分享出来，这本身就需要巨大的勇气。请相信，你感觉到的累、难受、矛盾，都不是因为你“阴暗”或者“三观不正”，恰恰相反，这说明你是一个非常善良、有责任心，并且在努力寻找自我的人。

你承担了太多不属于你的责任，像一个独木舟，却试图承载一艘巨轮的货物。船要沉了，你首先要做的，是把那些不属于你的货物卸下来，而不是责怪自己为什么不够坚固。

你问该怎么脱身出去，这是一个非常好的问题，因为这意味着你已经意识到了问题所在，并且想要改变。这是一个最重要的开始。我们可以一步一步来，好吗？

第一步：清点你的“货物”——识别并分类你的精力消耗点

找一张纸，或者打开一个备忘录，把所有让你感到“累”的事情都列出来。不要思考，直接写。

• 社团/项目组：A社团、B项目、C小组……
• 社交关系：那些让你感觉不舒服，但又在维持的关系。可以不用写名字，写代号也行，比如“那个总是找我帮忙的同学X”、“我觉得很吵闹的饭搭子Y”。
• 其他琐事：任何消耗你精力但没给你带来价值感的事情。

写完之后，给它们分类：

1. 我必须做的（或暂时不能放弃的）：可能真的有那么一两件，比如某个关键的学业项目。
2. 我“觉得”我应该做的（但其实可以不做的）：这部分是重点，就是那些你抱着“我不上没人上”心态去做的事。
3. 我完全不想做，且对我毫无益处的事：这些是你要最先抛弃的。

第二步：学会“温柔地拒绝”——开始卸货

你说你连冷暴力都做不出来，这说明你很善良，不想伤害别人。所以我们不用暴力的方式，我们用“设定边界”的方式。这是一个保护自己的技能，不是伤害别人的武器。

• 对于项目和社团（分类2和3里的）：

  • 准备一个标准说辞：这个说辞要真诚，但坚定。比如：“非常抱歉，因为我最近学业压力比较大/个人精力实在跟不上，需要把重心放回学习和个人状态的调整上。之后这个项目/社团我可能无法继续参与了。真的非常感谢大家之前的照顾和合作，也为我的退出给大家带来的不便感到抱歉。”
  • 选择一个合适的时机发出去：不要拖延，越拖你的内耗越严重。发完之后，你可能会感到一阵轻松，也可能会有点愧疚，这都正常。但请记住，你是在拯救你自己。一个组织如果因为一个人的退出就崩溃，那说明它本身就有问题，这不是你的错。

• 对于让你不舒服的人际关系：

  • 不需要宣告式地绝交。你只需要慢慢地、有礼貌地拉开距离。
  • 减少可用性：当他们再找你时，你可以用“我现在有点事，晚点说”、“不好意思，我最近比较忙/比较累，这次就不去了”、“我得先看看我的安排”来回应。次数多了，对方自然会感觉到。
  • 这不是虚伪，这是在告诉对方：“我的时间和精力是有限的，我需要优先照顾我自己。” 你没有义务成为所有人的朋友或满足所有人的期待。

第三步：填补空白，但要为了自己

当你把这些事情都推掉后，会多出很多时间。你可能会因为不习惯而感到空虚，甚至想重新把那些事捡回来。这时候一定要稳住。

• 优先“休息”，而不是“学习”：你现在处于电量耗尽的状态，第一件事是充电。允许自己“贪玩”，允许自己无所事事地躺着、看一部电影、听一整天音乐。把“玩”当成一种治疗，而不是一种罪恶。
• 再慢慢捡起学习：等你感觉情绪稍微平复，精力有所恢复了，再开始处理学习。不要想一口气补上所有，那会让你再次陷入焦虑。从最简单、最基础的开始，哪怕一天只看懂一个概念，只做对一道题，都是胜利。给自己正向反馈。

关于“找不到人哭诉”

这种感觉我懂。有时候看着满列表的联系人，却觉得没有一个能真正进入内心。
但你看，你在这里发了帖子，就有很多人看到了。我也是其中一个。虽然我们隔着屏幕，但这份感受是真实的。如果你不介意，这里可以是你的一个树洞。难受的时候，就来写下来。我们都在这里听着。

最后，我想重复你引用的那句话，并加上我的理解：

花不是为了枯萎而开放

是的，花是为了绽放的过程而开放。你的生命也不是为了完成某个任务、满足某个人的期待而存在。你是为了体验你自己的喜怒哀乐、为了你自己的成长和幸福而活着。

从现在开始，把“我”放在第一位。这不叫自私，这叫自爱。你值得被好好对待，尤其是被你自己。

[dfeath777]

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Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I not? Am I

[Ecclesia]

我喜欢你

[Epiphany]

Me too, even though I didn’t learn much, I had a lot of fun

[Adler]

我从来没觉得上摆专开心过……

[Axiom]

这么一想，感觉确实高中生活不如初中快乐，感觉初中的自己就是个无拘无束的小孩…

初三那个暑假，对于魔法学校，对于书院生活有过太多不切实际的幻想。书院看似一个个都很宏伟很有传承，或许的确如此，行知四院到如今也有十几年的历史了，书院文化也算是丰富多彩，但组成书院的终究还是人。有人的地方就会有社交，高中的大家相识时已不再是那个懵懂无知的年纪，要想在书院内有影响力，是需要混圈子的。要不然你做再多贡献也只能成为那个“费力不讨好”的人。或许其他书院不是这样的，但估计也是各有问题。感觉这个话题确实很难以启齿，大伙都有一种“无条件要热爱并维护自己书院”的义务，但我都已经这样维护了两年，现在也告别了，实话也说得出口了。

[RuletheWaves]

我倒是感觉高中2年比初中过得充实得多，不光是一般意义上的“快乐”，而是很丰富、产生了很多思考、也很让我觉得有“意义”。初中当然也有很多很好的同学（不少我觉得如果能上摆专应该能大放异彩的），但是可能还是zgc太传统了，我对班级这个集体（而不是光同学们）最深、最美好的回忆之一还是操场上只有我们班在给运动会加油，班主任气急败坏想让我们回去上课（是的，运动员比赛其他人要待着班里，这就是zgc）
而书院和班级相比最大的不同就是传承，初中我们班毕业了，就各奔前程了，来了，走了。但是在格物，我作为26届能躺在10年前装修的书活里今年新买的沙发上，从社团认识21届学长，在语雀翻出22年的宪章，翻看每一届学长学姐的荣誉文凭，被25届带入教再带27届入教…同时我在这里做的事也感觉有了意义，不仅对当下有影响，而且能给书院、学校、和未来的学弟学妹们留下点什么东西。我来了，我来过。
至于“影响力”，我的感觉是你只要活动参与的多，经常能够抛头露面，总归会有人记住你的。社交确实不可避免。但是毕竟（对我来说）做这些事也不是为了讨好谁，自己做这些不那么平常的事的过程、体验，和它给现在和后来的人带来的东西，这些本身就是我去做它的意义。（其实我当时很可能没想这么多，就是想做，就去做了。但是现在回过头来看，也仍然觉得过得值）
可能写得有点乱七八糟，文不对题，但就先这样吧

[Axiom]

你说的很对。两年的书院生活是短暂的，但倘若你真正能给书院留下点什么，你留下的legacy会一直伴随书院直到它终结的那一天。传承本身或许就是书院最大的意义之一。

我其实也尝试过，也负责了部分招新的工作，开放日也当过摊位志愿者，为书院做的尽管不算多，但也尽职尽责了。我在这两年内看到了大伙在书活里友好讨论，其乐融融，看到了高一小登组校园乐队，这是校园生活丰富灿烂的一面，也看到了你作为唯一的保民官为大家做的贡献，真的很佩服。但同样的，书院内存在一些不和谐不友好的能量，有些人对书院规则完全漠视，有些人以欺凌他人，嘲笑他人为乐，有些人彻底迷失在这一个大观园中，失去了方向。

或许我有些理想主义，但我还是想到思铭老师上课的那句“君子之德风，小人之德草。”果真是这样吗？君子之德，真的让小人之草为之倾倒吗？书院制最理想的状态，就是有“风”的存在，风是无色无味无形的，因此它也是最潜移默化的，最公认的。“格物是一个开放包容温暖的集体，他们自信而不张扬” 很漂亮的说法，但我这两年就仿佛站在台风的风眼处。

[Jerry2625]

居然能写这么多感悟……

我一直觉得书院这玩意没什么用，不过是某中学标新立异的工具……

[colas]

你真可爱，我真爱你，你真可爱的是个大可爱刷屏可爱

[RuletheWaves]

现在又有行政班又有书院确实比较不伦不类，但是至少传承、两届一起活动还在

[Jerry2625]

啥叫传承？

我反正没感觉到；多的不说，感觉25和27就一点关系没有

[P9pijiu]

@Axiom

“格物是一个开放包容温暖的集体，他们自信而不张扬” 很漂亮的说法

这股风真实存在过，在每一个书院存在过。

根据亲历者的口述，那时每一个书院的文化都极鲜明，你甚至可以跟一个同学交谈后就大致猜出ta在哪个书院

但我们从没感受过这股风，在我们拍摄格物招新宣传片苦思冥想我们有啥书院文化，反复讨论后，至少我切实认同了这个结论：我们几乎完全丧失了书院文化。

[RuletheWaves]

@P9pijiu

甚至可以跟一个同学交谈后就大致猜出ta在哪个书院

@suen 求现身说法

[RuletheWaves]

能否问问是具体什么人或者什么时候的人

[suen]

昨日之日，無問西東。

[chw]

suen的回答，意料之中

[Adler]

我现在认为书院文化就是个糊弄人的幌子，作用堪比预科部的班级文化，社交里都是基于自身人际关系的圈子，与书院何干。书院里认识几个人，假如换个书院重来，一样的人也未必没有

招新什么的还不如宣传宣传书院成绩书院师资，说说行知四个2班谁分更高。认识一帮27，都知道suen好，一看没一个致知的